Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
