i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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