Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
