dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
