we made out on top of his cat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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