So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
