atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
