Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
