The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
