I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
