I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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