He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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