I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is wine microwaveable?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
