she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
