You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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