I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
