hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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