mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
