you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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