i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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