Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
where am i from again
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
