If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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