Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to calm my uterus...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
