I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wear drunk well.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
