i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
