just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
