That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
