dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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