I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
