those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
