Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
