we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
