I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
