That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
