She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
