I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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