can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
