i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dick has a subreddit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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