1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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