is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
40s are totally the cure
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
