Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
