And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
