How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i need some magic done to my vagina
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
