Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
