I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
