I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your topless pictures make me question reality
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
