I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
