Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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