just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
