let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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